so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
