We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
