I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
