my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
