I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
