i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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