We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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