I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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