You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
