My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
