i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
