I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
