I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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