so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
