I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
