I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
