I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
