Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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