If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
