I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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