Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
