You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
