yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
