You smell like a Billy Joel song
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
