she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
