I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is Oprah even human
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
