I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
