i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
