Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
