Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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