I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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