I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
