this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
