I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
