Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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