I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
