My room smells like vodka and shame
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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