Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
