so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
