I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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