Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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