Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
