i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
