burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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