STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
