How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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