I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
