You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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