I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
