Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
