my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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