I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
only you would photoshop your dick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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