if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
