I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
