chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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