does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
