Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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